Stay protected but lonely
People put their romantic projections on everything from relationships to careers to life in general.
Now that we live in a world of infinite choice, if we don’t get exactly what we want every time, we peace out and move on.
But this romanticism is not based on any kind of reality. Romanticism may be superb for idealizing what we think things should be, but it sucks at taking into account the fact that everything evolves into what it actually is.
In fact, living in what psychologists call the technosexual era has heightened this trend dramatically. Single people are being asked to judge potential mates by simply swiping right if they like them or swiping left if they don’t.
Which is a cheap high when you’re lonely and horny. The problem is, this new behavior is turning us all into becoming professional disqualifiers. Constantly quantifying the attributes of everyone and everything we encounter, putting our requirements on life, updating our growing lists of deal breakers, congratulating ourselves on our high standards, it almost seems like disqualifying has officially become our national pastime.
And the sad part is, it’s mostly making people shallow, dissatisfied and lonely. It’s leading to the demise of flexibility, curiosity, patience and compromise, all of which are pillars of finding fulfilling work and love.
Ruotola’s poignant book on modern dating argues that the danger in setting parameters to determine someone’s worth or viability as a romantic partner is that it assumes that they don’t have other areas of value that could possibly be more appealing than the ideas or wants that they have.
And in our quest to romanticize and quantify everyone and everything, whether it’s the perfect partner, the perfect workout, or the perfect job, we miss out. We assume that there aren’t other areas of value that could possibly be more appealing than the ideas or wants we already have.
The point here is, if you don’t find exactly what you’re looking for, pick something that’s good enough and wait a while. Because everything is changing all the time anyway. Including yourself. Especially yourself. And you never know how people and circumstances might evolve to satisfy needs and wants you didn’t realize you had.
This adventure of discovery is far more rewarding than sitting alone, disqualifying everything that fails to meet your grand romantic ambitions.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you losing out to someone else who is more flexible while you stay protected but lonely?