Has someone usurped your control, or have you given it away?

Otherwise that undertow will carry you out to sea

One of life’s great satisfactions is leaving.

Making the decision that you’ve done what you needed to do, feeling complete about an event or experience, and then just walking out the door.

Without justification, without guilt, and without the fear that somebody is going to call you out for leaving when you did.

It’s so empowering. Because the tendency to stay longer than you want to is quite strong. There are cultural norms and social pressures and power dynamics at work. And like an undertow, they can drag you out into sea like an abandoned raft.

This is a boundary issue. The skill of leaving stems from your ability to have a secure, worthy and confident self. Knowing that you are a valuable and whole person, no matter what time you choose exit. You’re a mature adult who has your own life and you can do whatever you want, and your leaving makes others uncomfortable, well, people’s expectations are their problem.

You are responsible for your boundaries, not their feelings in response to them.

Having a partner to join you in the satisfaction of leaving is the best part. My wife and I have a little ritual where, after a few hours during any given event, we reserve the right to walk up to each other, smile and embrace and ask, well, did we do it?

And then the other person will raise their hand, give a high five and say, we did it.

Then we leave. No questions asked. The team has made a decision and now it’s time go. Period.

Doesn’t that sound deeply satisfying? If you’re the kind of person who regrets staying at everything too long, merely floating through experiences driven by external forces, it’s time to maximize control of your life.

Notice when you surrender your future out of guilt, fear, unworthiness or ambivalence. Practice setting air tight boundaries and sticking to them, even if you need a partner for validation and accountability.

Otherwise that undertow will carry you out to sea.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Has someone usurped your control, or have you given it away?

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