Giving advice versus trying to change
Advice is best received when asked for. Any moment before that and it’s useless. It solely benefits the advisor, not the recipient.
And so, no matter how skilled we are at giving advice, and no matter how intent we are at helping and fixing and contributing to others, it’s critical that we approach people in way that recognizes and respects their boundaries.
A helpful strategy in raising someone’s receptivity to feedback is with the following framing device.
I thought of a few ideas for you, but I wanted to make sure they were welcome first. What kind of feedback would be most meaningful?
It’s value forward, thoughtful, boundary honoring and completely personalized. It’s a permission slip for timing feedback appropriately. It’s a way of putting the feedback ball in the other person’s court, giving them a sense of efficacy over the situation. And even if they reject the offer for advice, which is perfectly acceptable, there’s no residue of defensiveness or resentment to stain the relationship. Because you came from a place of seeking to understand someone, not from a place of trying to fix them.
Offering unsolicited, immediate and constant advice, on the other hand, makes people think you question their judgment. And if you keep repeating it, you’re no longer sharing your feelings, you’re trying to change someone.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s your unique approach to getting on the feedback runway?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For a copy of the list called, “20 Ways to Make Customers Feel Comfortable,” send an email to me, and you win the list for free!
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That Guy with the Nametag
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