What story are you telling yourself about the people who abandon you?

Bouncing back from being ghosted

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There’s a phenomenon in the dating world called ghosting, in which someone that you believe cares about you, disappears from contact without any explanation at all.

It makes you feel disrespected, disposable and disappointed.

The lack of closure is maddening and unsatisfying.

And the most insidious part is, you not only question the validity of the relationship you had, it you question yourself.

This experience, however, isn’t limited to the dating world alone. Ghosting happens between friends, family members, colleagues, customers, prospects and almost every other type of platonic and professional relationship known to man.

It’s a universal human experience. Things just go away.

Buddhists call it impermanence, whereby all formations are transient or in a constant state of flux, and any attachment to them becomes the cause for future suffering.

And so, if you get ghosted, of course your feelings are going to be hurt. But only for a day. If the long term emotional effects of ghosting are devastating and damaging and sending you into an angry ruminative loop leaving you awash in fury and resentment and feeling irritable and on edge much of the time, that’s on you.

I’ve been ghosted hundreds of times in my life, both personally and professionally. And it still stings every time. But as I grow older, my response to this experience of abandonment has evolved.

First of all, instead of beating myself up, I have compassion, forgiveness and acceptance towards the people who disappeared. Remembering never to attribute to malice what can be easily explained by incompetence, poor timing, lost emails, and of course, the imperfect and ephemeral nature of life.

Secondly, instead of making war with what is, building a defensive edifice against reality, I just throw my hands up to the sky and laugh at the sheer absurdity of my existence. Remembering that I don’t have to know how everything works. And that the healthier my relationship with mystery is, the happier my life will be.

And so, next time someone that you believe cares about you disappears from contact without any explanation at all, consider this.

It’s not your fault. It’s not something you said. It’s not emotional cruelty. It’s not passive aggression. It’s not a reflection of your worthiness for love.

And it’s not an all out personal attack.

It’s simply life. Things go away.

Just because you kissed once doesn’t mean you’re in love forever.

What story are you telling yourself about the people who abandon you?

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Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.

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