Boundaries are limits that promote integrity and manifest our values.
And so, the boundary setting process is more than saying what doesn’t feel good, it’s also saying what we need, want, enjoy and like.
That’s why boundaries are worth every bit of time and energy and thought required to set and enforce them. Because they express our acceptance of ourselves as people who have real needs. And that’s not an insignificant thing.
Especially in a world where so many of us have spent years mastering the art of giving away our energy, not knowing that it’s okay to take care of ourselves.
But not unlike the scientific laws of motion, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Including setting boundaries. The limits we proudly and proactively set are undoubtedly going to affect on other people.
Beattie’s influential research on setting healthy boundaries in relationships reminds us that once we put a stake in the ground, we should prepare to feel the after burn. We should anticipate the guilt of saying what people don’t want to hear. And we should leave room for others to have emotions about our limitations.
Because certain people will become very angry when they realize our boundary is real. After all, it means they can’t use us anymore. And so, they will throw everything they have at us to restore the imbalance of power in the relationship.
They might even attempt to guilt us into changing our minds.
But the best thing we can do is announce to ourselves, I’m ready to let people feel awkward, and I don’t have to apologize for taking care of myself.
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Which resentment is holding you back from loving yourself?
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That Guy with the Nametag
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